I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize