Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
