Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize