I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
