I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
