Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
