He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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