Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
