He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
