he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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