Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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