Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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