this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I AM VODKA MAN
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
