so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
