There was a lot of him and a little penis
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
