What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Dick very happy bro
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
