Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
