you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You're earring is so big in my mouth
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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