i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
