Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
