I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
barbara walters just said penis...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
