i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
