I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
