Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
