i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
