Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
