I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
there is puke in my bra ... again
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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