Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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