flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
