All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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