i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
