I like to think it a success when the cops are called
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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