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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS

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• (845): View more from New York

  I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.

  (845): View more from New York

  Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt

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• (952): View more from Minnesota

  His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina

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• (979): View more from Texas

  Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other

  (1-979): View more from Texas

  LOL its 11 am

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.

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• (406): View more from Montana

  why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best

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