whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
