ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
