Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
it glows. i had to have it.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
