we have officially lost it.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
