i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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