I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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