Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
