matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
