Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
