I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize