We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
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