real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
