I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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