She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
