we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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