Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
