He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
