Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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