You're my little dorito
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
