careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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