Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
