that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She announced her abortion via fbk
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
