yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
