End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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