You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
