so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize