If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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