You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
