I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
