I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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