That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
cat food counts as protein by the way
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
