HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
