You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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