I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
