I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
