I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
