HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
