I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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