I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
