I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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