my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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